Saturday, November 28, 2009

Barack Obama Admits He Was "Never A Big Skateboarder"

In a recent political development, Barack Obama gave a startling response to a reporter's question.

When White House reporter Sam Langford asked the President if he skated as a kid, Barack Obama responded:

"No, not really. I was never a big skateboarder [as a kid]."

Mr. Langford followed up his first question with a second, asking whether the president thought Tony Hawk was cool.

Mr. Obama declined to answer the second question, but later the White House Spokesman issued a written response:

"Mr. Obama failed to answer the question regarding Tony Hawk because he, in his own words, 'had a major fart brewing' in his stomach and it distracted his thoughts. He later admitted that he does think Tony Hawk is cool. Mr. Obama's stomach is also now okay."

Mr. Langford is doing well, too. After the press conference where he asked Mr. Obama about skateboarding, Langford went home and ate "the best Granny Smith apple" of his life.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Problems With My Cable

All this indicates is that I have too much time on my hands...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Congratulations, Yankees!

27. That is the record number of World Series the Yankees have won.

The Yankees won number 27 by defeating the 2008 World Champion Phillies - so number 27 was truly earned. Much credit has to be given to the Phillies who displayed poise, strength, fortitude, and many other respectable qualities during the 2009 season and postseason. Led by modern-day Ghengis Khan Charlie Manuel, the Phillies graciously handed over their victory wand to the Yankees.

And it is the Yankees I want to focus on here; not the praiseworthy Phillies. The Yankees. Let's show them some love! After nine years of searching their farm system for homegrown talent such as A-Rod, Matsui, Sabathia, Burnett, Teixeira, Damon, and even Swisher, they became World Champions again!

Now the Yankees may not be the richest team in baseball, but they sure are the best. They don't go willy-nilly spending money on free agents like some other teams (e.g., Red Sox). They are patient. They wait years - years without controversy - for their homegrown talent to develop.

The talent understands the situation, too. They know playing for the Yankees is a privilege, so they don't use their skills as leverage to increase their salaries. Look at Mark Teixeira. He [basically] said, "I am a great first baseman and I want to play in New York City. Sure, other teams may want me and want to pay me money, but I'd rather go to New York and have the honor of playing in pinstripes in front of the best fans in the world! I don't care how much I'm paid! I just want to play for New York!"

And don't get me started on A-Rod! Talk about a selfless saint. Living in New York can be tough..the spotlight is ALWAYS on you. Fortunately, A-Rod likes to live quietly, normally, and not stir up rumors or controversy. He, like Mr. Teixeira, also doesn't care about money.

"I just like to play baseball. I would do it for free if I could! But the Yankees forced me to take their money. I just want to play and not be famous! I wouldn't even care if I were ugly and my hair was messed up and not frosted..seriously, looks don't matter to me! Neither does money! I am an altruistic guy! I mean it! In fact, I am going to take the next year off from baseball and go to the Sudan to do work or something in a village!" said Alexander Rodriguez.

I have to cut this entry short because I have to go into work now, but I just want to close by saying Andy Petite has a major butt chin and the Yankees deserve their 27th World Series Championship! What they lack in ability to pay their players, they make up for in heart and soul and gritty baseball playin'!

Monday, November 2, 2009

World Series Game 5: Minute-by-minute Recap

(9:02 PM): It's the bottom of the third. Ryan Howard is up, Chase Utley is on 2nd base. There are no outs.

(9:03 PM): Full count - this could get interesting!

(9:04 PM): Burnett walked Howard. Now there are no outs, Howard is one 1st base and Utley is still on 2nd base. Right here I'd just like to comment on Howard's slimmed down physique. He looks much trimmer and I think if he can maintain whatever workout regimen he's currently on/has been on, he can prolong his major league career.

(9:06 PM): Jayson Werth is up. I like Werth. I used to let his chin hair get in the way of me liking him..but his performance has won me over.

(9:07 PM): As I was typing the above, Werth hit a ball right up the middle and scored Utley! It's now Phillies 4, Yankees 1. Yes! It's with plays like that that Werth makes me forget about his strip of chin hair.

(9:08 PM): Ibanez is up.

(9:08 PM): Same minute, Ibanez hits a single into right field. Howard scores. Yes! Phillies 5, Yankees 1. A.J. Burnett is now being taken out. This is exciting!

(9:09 PM): Commercial break. It's a Sears commercial. I think I might wrap up this blog post soon. It's not nearly as fun or as funny as I thought it'd be.

(9:11 PM): That commercial for came on. I now want to quit drinking and smoking.

(9:11 PM): The Yankees have decided to pitch someone, not sure who it is. Maybe Robertson? I will find out then update you.

(9:12 PM): Yes, it's Robertson. Not sure his first name. He's #30 and facing Pedro Feliz.

(9:13 PM): Is there something a bit off about Joe Girardi's face? It's kind of gaunt. Or at times I think he looks like a dinosaur. I don't think he looks like a dinosaur as much as Chris Bosh looks like a dinosaur. I've always found that to be a funny coincidence - that Chris Bosh looks like a Raptor and plays for the Toronto Raptors. Take a look.

(9:15 PM): Feliz popped out. Two outs, Cliff "Good Pitcher" Lee is up to bat. I realize it's more fun to blog about fun stuff rather than writing minute-by-minute updates about the game.

(9:16 PM): Cliff Lee hit an RBI single - Yes! Phillies 6, Yankees 1.

(9:18 PM): I really hope the Phillies can hang on and win this.

(9:19 PM): Is that gel in Chase Utley's hair or is it wet? And if it's wet, does he wet it throughout the game? Oh crap - "J-Ro" just struck out.

(9:19 PM): Joe Buck has a major butt-chin.

(9:21 PM): Oh GIVE ME A BREAK! There was just this crappy commercial for KFC that's trying to say they have a better deal than the $5 footlong. Yeah right!

(9:21 PM): What do you guys think of that commercial that features the cover off The Beatles' All You Need Is Love? That is, what do you think of the cover? I don't think it's anything to write home about.

(9:22 PM): Shane Victorino update: He is Hawaiian and his finger is not broken.

(9:23 PM): Charlie Manuel update: He is old. And he is a good manager.

(9:24 PM): Man, this is pretty boring to do. I think I'm really going to wrap it up soon.

(9:26 PM): How hot is Elisha Cuthbert? In that picture, she's not only hot but also looks like she'd be a snuggler. I could really waste a Saturday afternoon laying around with her. We could watch TV, talk, stuff like that..and other stuff too ;)

(9:27 PM): Cliff Lee pitched a scoreless inning!

(9:28 PM): Howie Long in commercial. Who is Howie Long? What does he even do? I know he played football..but I mean, what does he do in life? Does he have kids? Does he listen to music? What does he find funny? Jim Gaffigan's stand up?

(9:30 PM): This concludes my World Series Game 5: Minute-by-minute Recap blog post.

Thanks guys! Go Phillies!