Monday, August 18, 2008


Greetings loyal blog readers,

I am pleased to say that I have returned to the blogosphere. For a while I had been out of the blogosphere and actually doing things in real life (ugh, real life is for losers). But now I am making the effort to avoid physical social interactions and stick to verbal and virtual communication instead.

That said, let me take some time to debunk a few myths and to dispel (or to confirm) some rumors that probably arose during my absence:

Myth #1) John Haskell died.

- Now in a literal sense, this is simply untrue. I am quite alive and well, at the moment. If the myth were to be interpreted figuratively - like if someone were to say, "Eddie Murphy is dead," with respect to his film career or relevance to society - then I will say there is some truth to the myth. That is, I may have figuratively died for a while in that I spent over a month at St. John's University in Queens waking up at 5 AM, teaching during the day, then lesson planning at night until 2 AM and as a result was isolated from society (I couldn't even check Facebook or the New York Times Crossword Puzzle on a regular basis...). So in sum, did I literally die? No. Figuratively? Perhaps.

*N.B. I do not necessarily think that Eddie Murphy's career is over or that he is not relevant to American society/pop culture - these are just things I have heard people say.

Myth #2) John Haskell, despite lots of intense professional work this summer and the inevitability of aging and maturing throughout life, still laughs at fart jokes and robot jokes.

- This is not a myth at all, but a statement of the blatant truth. I'm not sure what it is, but well-timed flatulence joke and a solid android/cyborg/robot joke still get me every time. Does this mean I am not mature? Should this be a red flag that signals some type of stunted growth in my mind's development? Yes and yes. Absofruitly. But I don't know how to change it, so deal with it.

Myth #3) John Haskell beat Criss Angel in a game of one-on-one basketball.

- Fact.

Myth #4) John Haskell stopped drinking coffee and doesn't eat sandwiches for over 95% of his meals.

- Do chickens all of a sudden stop having thin legs and beaks? Absolutely not. It is with that analogy that I am trying to say this myth is completely unfounded. Since the cessation of coffee drinking would lead directly to a loss of my own manhood, I still drink coffee. And since the thought of a good turkey sandwich is what gets me up and out of bed almost every day, I still eat sandwiches for over 95% of my meals.

In closing, I hope I have cleared up some of the confusion that may have arisen during my absence from the blogosphere. I am very happy to be back and look forward to updating it on a more regular basis. Future topics might include sports, entertainment, politics, and/or other broad topics that are usually found as tabs on news websites.

Thank you for taking the time to check this out, loyal blog readers - I know that all of you have been waiting for this! It must feel like a little kid who rides in the car with his mom to the bank and is bored, but eventually discovers that he gets a lollipop from the bank - Mm!

Until my next entry, live life, love life, and remember that our time here is short so embrace the beauty of the world and its inhabitants.

Yours Truly